the joys of a productive geriatric hobby

Somehow my geriatric tendencies have produced a full size blanket in exactly a month (to the day). Whether this productivity is a testament to the winding down of my normally crazy school-work schedule or my unrelenting drive to finish projects I begin, I managed to bang out my first large knitting project. Now what do I do?! I have already started looking into what to do with the yarn I have left over... gloves? Nah, not the right season. Socks? Am I really going to knit adult sized socks? Nah. A coffee cup protector/decorative device? Maybe? I guess we will see! I figured I would share photo documentation of the progress of my project... the most basic stitch... much room left for the discovery and production of more complex projects (to come!).

 

cue the craft craze

So, I've started knitting again, which my friends naturally harp on as being geriatric of me, but hey... so be it. I had serious (or not so serious) apprehension about what kind of project to embark upon. Drum roll please... I'm making a throw blanket! Check back in about 3 years and I may be done by then. Regardless, I will finish it, so I am pretty pumped about it. I have had such creative energy lately, which has not really been conducive to studying - what a drag. Pinterest is the most wonderful, yet simultaneously awful thing that has ever happened to my work ethic. I am very excited to have the time, without consistently pending schoolwork looming over my head, to create things!

Typical for me, I found myself turning an exciting, fun activity into an anxiety-provoking, decision making disaster. Okay, not disaster, but conundrum. Now, prepare yourself for the magnitude and essentially life changing significance of this decision; tweed or stripes. I know. It threw me for a loop too. Clearly, it got way out of hand and I found myself feeling stressed about what would make a better throw blanket. I found myself dramatically and irrationally texting essential consults on this most important decision. Tweed? Stripes? What will I do?! I laugh about my ridiculousness now, but how did this become a decision of such weight? Something to consider, to ponder, and some day to resolve? At risk of sounding lazy and irresponsible, I am not going to delve further into that episode, but more let this one go and just take pleasure in laughing at my ridiculous, and sometimes mildly concerning neuroticism. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Anyway, I am excited to report that my knitting fingers have produced a whopping six inches of STRIPED (yes I did decide) blanket... only 54 inches left to go! Very exciting :). Now that I have allowed this anticipated craft craze to delay conceptualizing renal and hepatic failure (how uplifting), I should probably get back to it. More crazed craft ideas to come... most likely accompanied by some monumental decision-making dilemmas ;). Happy Sunday to you!

a little lyric

"Tonight we are young
So let's set the world on fire.
We can burn brighter
than the sun."

epiphany

catch up - 10/18/11

To balance the loves of your life is a challenge. To have enough loves for balance to be a necessity is a blessing. To master this balance is to capture happiness.

[half] marathon metaphor madness

catch up - 10/17/11

I find it rather humorous that lately I somehow turn most daily occurrences into metaphors. What am I, a psychoanalyst? Get outta here! Regardless, here comes yet another parallel. Yesterday, I ran my first half marathon (get it!!!). As expected, I had a few challenging times. I would like to note that the course was extraordinarily hilly. Up and down, up and down. I refused to get caught up in the fact that my poor tush was getting more of a workout than it had signed up for. I reminded myself that after every hill there had to be some kind of decline where I could let gravity take me, at least a little bit. Life, as I know it, is a constant series of rolling hills. I was proud of myself. Correction. I am proud of myself. Yes, for physically being able to take my running feet 13.1 miles. Yes, for committing to training and for getting through hard days and maintaining the presence to appreciate good days. But most prominently, proud of picking myself up when I was in doubt. I was proud of myself for pushing through because I could and proud for believing in myself. For sprinting the last 0.1 mile when I didn’t think I had it in me. Once again I felt moved by the good of people. Inspired that people had the strength to run to finish, even far after I was done. That people had the spirit to encourage one another. Strangers! That people recognized the accomplishments of others. What a win.

re.sil.ient

catch up - 10/12/11

re·sil·ient (adjective)

1. springing back; rebounding.

2. returning to the original form or position after being bent, compressed, or stretched.

3. recovering readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyant.

Resilience. In my eyes, resiliency is an incredible feat. Maintaining the ability to withstand the throws of life and thrive, to achieve. To surmount unimaginable difficulties and to find oneself on the other side - not mangled, not broken. Undefeated. Is resiliency a choice? A gift? A curse? This strength to overcome obstacles can be infinite. I believe that overcoming adversity, however big or small, is worthy of pride.

Does having/being resilience mean you don’t need help, or that you have the strength and awareness to seek the help you need? I believe it could be a mixture of both, with a stronger emphasis on the latter. Perhaps resilience has a strong correlation with awareness of self. Perhaps this presence provides the unique focus necessary to cope, to feel, and to confront (internally or externally). I’m not sure I am making sense. Does resilience relate to happiness? Does the ability to bounce back from being “bent, compressed, or stretched” allow a person to experience happiness more frequently? Does “original form” constitute happiness, contentment, or mediocrity? I do apologize, I feel that I pose a ton of questions and really am unsure as to whether or not I ever come to any answers. Maybe fresh eyes can deduct something from my scattered train of thought.

You can tell yourself or someone else anything you want. What makes it true to you? What makes it believable? When does it absorb into us and suddenly become “of course I am” instead of “really?” How do we transform these mantras into recognition of ourselves?

catch up

In reference to my indecisiveness to start a blog mentioned in my first post, I admit I have some posts that have been held captive in a Microsoft word file. I don't want to overload, but I might as well let them loose. Please forgive the scattered nature of my writing... so far I've come up with a ton of questions with very few answers. If you're an answer-seeker, I regret to inform you you will unlikely find them here. Hopefully, though, you may derive some meaning out of my excessive wondering? Here's to being hopeful. So... here we go.

competency

09/25/11

Patience is a virtue. I am a planner. I like to know. I like to write it down. I like to have it figured out. Life is messy. Life is unorganized and temperamental. Now how am I to mesh unpredictable with manageable? Excellent question. Go with the flow I tell myself. Go with the flow and enjoy every bit along the way. Be present. Theoretically, I can tell myself anything I want to. Realistically, sometimes it is hard to believe and to put those words into committed action. There is no question as to whether I am choosing the right thing. No question as to whether it is right for me. I think more so, I let myself get a small glimpse of self-pity. Recognition of the challenges that tug at me, consciously and subconsciously, as they surface in my emotions at times I cannot control.

The greatest challenge of all is making the conscious decision to push past the feelings of discomfort, of unknowing, of ambiguity. Finding comfort in your ability to give yourself the most effective pep talks. No shame in giving a nice little pat on the leg to get yourself through the day, or getting caught smiling at yourself for thinking some silly thought or stopping your negative thoughts in their tracks. So, someone sees you and thinks you’re absolutely nuts. Whatever. Life goes on. Independence is empowering. No matter what, I know I can. It is rarely easy, but I do know, in most all cases, I can. This is something I openly admit I take for granted. Note to self: Realize that the ability to say I can is an underrated attribute… say it more often.