Sunday, February 12, 2012

catch up

In reference to my indecisiveness to start a blog mentioned in my first post, I admit I have some posts that have been held captive in a Microsoft word file. I don't want to overload, but I might as well let them loose. Please forgive the scattered nature of my writing... so far I've come up with a ton of questions with very few answers. If you're an answer-seeker, I regret to inform you you will unlikely find them here. Hopefully, though, you may derive some meaning out of my excessive wondering? Here's to being hopeful. So... here we go.


Patience is a virtue. I am a planner. I like to know. I like to write it down. I like to have it figured out. Life is messy. Life is unorganized and temperamental. Now how am I to mesh unpredictable with manageable? Excellent question. Go with the flow I tell myself. Go with the flow and enjoy every bit along the way. Be present. Theoretically, I can tell myself anything I want to. Realistically, sometimes it is hard to believe and to put those words into committed action. There is no question as to whether I am choosing the right thing. No question as to whether it is right for me. I think more so, I let myself get a small glimpse of self-pity. Recognition of the challenges that tug at me, consciously and subconsciously, as they surface in my emotions at times I cannot control.

The greatest challenge of all is making the conscious decision to push past the feelings of discomfort, of unknowing, of ambiguity. Finding comfort in your ability to give yourself the most effective pep talks. No shame in giving a nice little pat on the leg to get yourself through the day, or getting caught smiling at yourself for thinking some silly thought or stopping your negative thoughts in their tracks. So, someone sees you and thinks you’re absolutely nuts. Whatever. Life goes on. Independence is empowering. No matter what, I know I can. It is rarely easy, but I do know, in most all cases, I can. This is something I openly admit I take for granted. Note to self: Realize that the ability to say I can is an underrated attribute… say it more often. 

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